This blog was inspired by a beautiful person who asks me all the time, Why do people say things they don’t really mean?
What is Kindness?
I believe the truth of kindness lies in communication. Communication is key to everything really & yet we don’t communicate properly at all. Some people will assume others know what they mean even though they don’t say it.
An example of this;
I’ll do that for you – your intention is to help the person but actually not an intention you will follow through on, but you assume the other person knows you were saying this to make them & you feel better, just something people say & do all the time, right, so its normal, its ok?
I’ll get that to you later – Later for them means that day or next day, (their very efficient people they assume everyone is the same), but later for you means some time that month or probably never, they surely know you mean this, right?
Some of us have brains which think literally – so if you say that’s what you’ll do, that’s what is expected. If you say you can’t/won’t do it, that’s ok, we know where we stand & that’s all that’s expected – facts!
If we communicated better with each other we would open a world where people felt safer to not feel like they ‘have to be ok’.
What I mean is, for eg. Think how when you meet someone you know & you say hi & ask how they are? Do you Really Want to know how they are?
Is your question genuine?
If they responded truthfully, do you Want to Know?
Or is it just a figure of speech you have become accustomed to?
Do you think its something you need to say to be polite?
Now, look at it from the other perspective. Society has conditioned us that people don’t really want to ‘Hear’ our troubles or that our private lives should be just that, Private. So we learn to say I’m grand or I’m ok even when you are Anything but OK.
Then you meet those who may express they are Not OK that the day is crap or their feeling crap or whatever is happening for them. Mostly you will have people recoil, go quiet, not respond because maybe they feel uncomfortable with whatever the persons situation is. The reason for this usually is being uncomfortable with a similar situation they haven’t dealt with themselves, so it is of course not personal, however…….now the other person starts thinking, I shouldn’t have said anything, I should have just kept it bottled up in inside, nobody really cares how I’m feeling.
Can you see where people’s mental health may go with this?
So What Can We Do?
I’m not saying everyone has to be ‘Kind’ by asking how everyone is & truly wanting to know how that person is. What I’m saying is if we communicated honestly with no fear of judgement imagine how that may change the circumstances for all.
So lets say you meet someone today & you just want to be polite but you don’t really want to know what’s happening for them. Just say hi & go on your way, or whatever it is you need to communicate with them about. There’s no ‘hanging’ question there. Without that question that may linger of, do they “really want to know or are they just saying it?” Communication becomes polite & honest & everyone goes on their way.
Then you meet someone else & you do really want to now how they are, so you say hi & ask them how their doing. The other person knows you truly want to hear about them & they feel safe that they can talk to you, vent or seek help, whatever it may be they need.
To The Future!
We are all so different but we are all the same. We all need human contact to survive, the last 2 years has highlighted that for everyone. But we do need the right human contact. We all have a tribe, the ones we feel safest around, the ones we know think & behave like us & understand us, sometimes more than we may understand ourselves. Finding your tribe is so important to helping us function as human beings.
It is important to know we don’t need to be with our tribe always. There are many people who we will meet in our lifetime that may not be from our tribe. We can have many beautiful & treasured friendships with people outside our tribe. We need these people also, they will teach us many things & we will teach them many things. We each are people in others lives, & we may be there for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. When we find our tribe we know they are the ones who will always stand by us, be there for us & we are a part of.
So next time you meet somebody, I’m not saying you need to walk on eggshells!
Just think……….do you ‘really’ want to know how they are? Or would you rather just say hi & walk on? I bet the other person will love the honesty & will feel safer in their environment because you communicated that honestly.
Do we really want to live in a society where we have to 2nd guess what someone is saying? That won’t ever bode well for our mental health.
What Can We Each Do?
The terminology in time have been awful, they are a bit more inclusive now, however……
Neurodiverse, neurotypical, whatever terms society needs to invent, just remember……..
We are All Different & We are All the Same.
We All Deserve The Same Respect – Humans, Animals & Our Environment.
No Judgements, No Bias, Equality & Respect 😊
To The Beautiful Person who inspired this blog, I’m Forever Proud of You & Love You to Infinity & Beyond & Back Again.
Your brain needs the science to this statement of mine, an answer I can’t give you. Love is undefinable & how do I explain that concept, except, how you feel around us, that safe place & safe connection to be Yourself, that’s what Love is. That’s what you follow & that’s what you hold onto with us, with others & when we’re not here.
Lets help each other to live a life where communication is easy & understandable, non judgmental, non biased, with equality at every step!
If you have any questions, concerns or would just like further information about how we can support & guide your to your overall wellbeing, don’t hesitate to reach out and get in touch with us here at Health 4U. Or you can book an appointment with Sinéad through our online booking platform.